Shiny Masochism

where you can find me now

2011-03-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

http://shinymasochism.tumblr.com/

Through The Looking Glass

2011-02-03T11:22:00.001-08:00

One of my promises to myself this year, call it a "resolution" if you must, was to try to get myself back on this thing (how many times have i said that...). In all seriousness though, i've been pouring my soul out to my cactus, Irving, and while such things are supposed to promote plant growth i think i've just been depressing and astounding her. Moreso, my creativity feels rather bottled up. I'd honestly almost forgotten about my little home away from home, but was recently reminded of it and so i cannot help but wish to start it once more.

So much has happened recently that much more talking will surely lead to plant-icide, and i couldn't have that now could i? So maybe i'm slightly dull from wear, but i can def say my talent for masochism hasn't been diminished.

So come of it what may, yours, Violet (though my hair is rather red now....)

Snow-pocalypse!

2010-02-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

12-18 inches... on top of what was already on the ground! This is gonna be insane! Now, don't get me wrong, I love snow, especially when it is still in the process of falling and everything has just turned to white. I like the snow BEFORE it turns gray and slushy... BEFORE i have to shovel it off my driveway (and there is no way i'm gonna shovel it all off tmr.)

Anyway, there were some radio comedians saying that tonight was gonna be the end of the world.

If so they are 39 minutes late and its still snowing strong.

Welcome to the snowpocalypse baby!

I Can't Escape It

2010-02-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

I try to be more than just that gay girl, but sometimes people make it hard. I open a forum to ask me any random question , something that's supposed to be fun and relieve the boredom of life.

NO. This is what it turns into

maybe you just haven't met the right penis yet, ever think of that?

my response :

or maybe i've just met the right vagina, ever think of that?

its not about men. it has nothing to do with men. women aren't lesbians because of men. we are lesbians because of women!
get over yourself already

C'mon people, is this really necessary?

If, however, you do wanna ask me something productive, or something about this topic but it a more sincere manner, the link is http://www.formspring.me/shinymasochism

HUZZAH!

2010-02-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

What is it with Disney rock? How did it become so popular? These people are not mulit-talented, its all in the name recognition and stupidity of their 10 year old girl fan base. Just because someone can sing doesn't mean they can act, and vice versa.

Take the Jonas Brothers for instance. All they have going for them are their (supposed) looks. All I hear is OMG they are so hot! I'm gonna be the next Mrs. Jonas. Um... NO! I may not be the best judge of male attractiveness, but I know for sure that these guys are not prime examples of it.

Lame music, lame persona.... all around PHAIL?

I mean, what ever happened to the Disney of my childhood? How could it have fallen so? To now back pathetic teen stars who they shove down everyone's throat every chance they get?

I am saddened to see this happening.

But, FTW. I have officially defaced them! Bio (a class of sheer nothingess) was made quite epic today by my lab parter. We needed notebooks and she spent like 50 cents for 2 VERY VERY VERY marked down Jonas bros notebooks. Well, 2 sharpies and a bio class later we had 2 actually acceptable notebooks. The improvement wasn't hard to make, and it was quite fun.

So take that lame disney bands! We defy you in favor of your singing animated ancestors! HUZZAH!

Man, I Miss Them Days

2010-01-25T18:44:00.000-08:00

Remember those good ol' days back when we all blogged. Really, like all of us! I don't really blog as much as I complain these days (though in all honesty, when have i actually just blogged). Anyway, I still maintain this lil cranny, my own personal hunk of the wonderful world of web.

I feel like I don't take the time to really look at the world around me and get passionate enough to write out all my random thoughts here like I used to. Actually, I haven't really done much writing lately, for anything. I feel like I've lost alot of my creativity. I haven't written a short story in forever and I haven't done any poetry in even longer than that!

Its pretty sad.

I remember back when I could log on to blogger and everyone had new and interesting quotes. Now most of the people I end up following are people I don't even really know.

So dear blogger, I will not abandon you! And hopefully I can muster up some inspiration to write in you more often.

TTFN

Marriage =?

2010-01-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

MARRIAGE EQUALITY

straight or gay it doesn't matter.

we've seen this before.

its always our differences that set us apart:

the color of our skin and the shape of our genitals,

the language of our tongue, the beliefs of our hearts,

are we really all that different?

we let our bodies divide us,

yet our bodies show the truth -

WE ARE ALL HUMAN, so why aren't we all equal?

the religionless nation under god,

where civil rights and liberties are hailed,

individuality celebrated.

but the american dream doesn't extend to me.

my rights are not the same.

is it fear? how can we possibly do any further damage?

the family is not in danger, but our compassion is.

not a fan of gay marriage? then don't get one,

but don't expect me to get one of yours either.

all we are asking is for the same chances you have.

the logic is not sound:

its not about gay vs straight

its a matter of sanity.

some people have it, some people.... dont

guess who has the power?

--------------

i don't like having to keep this (i hate to use this word, but its just too fitting) fight going. I AM MORE THAN MY ORIENTATION, but it is also a part of who i am. i don't define myself solely by it, for i am not one dimensional. but it is hard to ignore something that is constantly being thrown in your face. GAY? STRAIGHT? we are the same, but our rights are not.

so may be i'm furthering the us vs them race. i don't mean to. i just have to get out my feelings.

because some day i want to be able, if i'm ready, to create a life with someone i love. my reality is that this said person is most likely going to be a girl. it would be nice for my love to be equal in the eyes of the law with any other couple.

why is that so wrong?

"i could show you my favorite obsession....."

2010-01-04T17:56:00.001-08:00

Well, I haven't been making a man with blond hair and a tan (sorry... guys = not how i swing) but i can definitely say that i have found a new obsession. About a month ago, a friend of mine showed me the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Well it was love at first sight. I have a special place in my heart for film/literature with characters whose lives might seem a little strange, but who are really just searching for themselves. Also, anything that resembles RHPS is instantly a love in my book.

Hedwig & The Angry Inch is punk rock musical about the "slip of a girly boy from communist East Berlin become[s] the internationally ignored song stylist barely standing before you?" The story of Hansel Schmidt who, after a botched sex change operation (leaving her with a "barbie doll crotch) becomes Hedwig and moves to America where she befriends Tommy Speck, a young christian rock wannabe. Together they write songs and Hedwig helps Tommy to develop his rock persona. Unable to deal with her unconventional sexuality,Tommy leaves Hedwig, becomes a star singing all of her songs. Hedwig starts to stalk his band with her own, The Angry Inch, playing in small strip malls near his big concerts. Ultimately though, the movie the story of love and self acceptance. Hedwig's song, "The Origin Of Love" is based off Plato's Symposium and hypothesizes that we all have someone out there who completes us. Hedwig, unsure of who/what she is, is just searching for love.

(OF COURSE MY PLOT SUMMARY DOES NOT DO THE SHOW ANY JUSTICE) I love Hedwig because it is such an emotional trip, funny, sad, and comforting all at once. And alot of the songs have become popular beyond just Hedwig. Rufus Wainright does a copy of Orgin of love and Dar Williams has sung Midnight Radio. The lyrics are all beautiful, as well as the cinematography, and John Cameron Mitchell (writer, director, star) does a wonderful job!

This, of course, brings me to the origin of my obsession --> John Cameron Mitchell (JCM). Now I'm not saying I have some sort of be-careful-John-cause-you-are-in-danger-of-being-kidnapped/stalked/rapped type of obsession, only that he has created 2 very beautiful films and his philosophy on life speaks very clearly to me.

Now I've said 2 films, the 2nd of these is Shortbus. Again, Mitchell is dealing with an exploration of love and self, but in a different context than Hedwig. Shortbus is a beautiful and emotive story of Sofia the pre-orgasmic sex therapist who is on a quest of self discovery because she has never had an orgasm. Her clients (the adorable couple Jamie/James) lead her to Shortbus: the sexual salon where anything and everything goes. But what is so amazing about the movie is the way that JCM uses sex in the movie. Shortbus is a highly graphic movie (it didn't have extras in its scenes, it had "sextras") but the movie isn't about sex, its about love. In the first part of the film, the sex scenes are from far away, but as the movie progresses and you follow Sofia, the Jamies, Severin the dominatrix, Ceth, and Caleb the stalker... it becomes less about the sex (in fact the ending sex scenes are mostly just head shots) and more about the emotions. The film is rawr and literally takes you from laughing one moment to crying the the next. And i just can't get enough of it.

JMC's films have the power to speak to everyone (unless you are Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck). The emotions and I can tell you that even after watching them 4x in a row, they dont get old!

So yeah... idk. I felt like i had to rant about this since literally in my state of not sleeping for like 3 days this is what i've pretty much been up to.

--------------------------------------

Some Hedwig lyrics.....

-From THE ORGIN OF LOVE

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.

2010-01-04T17:56:00.000-08:00

a little birdy told me to

2009-12-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

A bunch of people have become pretty obsessed with Twitter. I'm not sure - i mean, it seems to be facebook statuses without any real content, but we shall see. I have given in. I have created a twitter

http://twitter.com/shinymasochism

so check me out

or send me urs so i can do likewise :)

also --- MERRY WINTER HOLIDAYS ALL AROUND

The Cake Is A Lie. The Bisexual Is Not!

2009-10-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Let me start of by saying, Shiny Masochism - IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG AND I AM SORRY FOR YOUR NEGLECT!

-----------

I have always considered myself to be a very open and accepting person. I feel that people in minorities such as the gay community always want people to be sympathetic to their cause - which is understandable - but are not always sympathetic to everyone else - which is hypocritical! I know when Stoga did its "Manifest" movement other agenda clubs badmouthed it, yet still wanted their issues to be taken seriously.

I dont think that we can stand up and say recognize us, give us rights, accept what we have to say while we are also being intolerant of others. Of course I mean tolerance within reason. I'm not saying that we have to accept the idea of murder as good or rape as fun! I'm saying that we have to accept the idea of people as equal. We have to look at people as people, not as a race, a religion, an orientation.

So it makes me incredibly upset when i here people touch on the bi issue. Let me first start off with my own feelings. I believe that bisexuality as legitimate as any other orientation. There are truly people out there who are attracted people regardless of their sex. And that is perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with liking men, or liking women, or liking both or anything in between. There is, however, something wrong with the way that people have abused the idea of bisexuality. I know girls who say they are bisexual but really they just want to seem cool, they would never actually date a fellow girl. Girls who get a little loose at a party and kiss a friend will change their facebook to tell the world that they are bisexual. But again - they would never truly have a relationship with anyone but a guy. Bisexuality has become a facade for girls to make themselves seem cool and to turn a guy on.

THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG. Why? Because this is an affront to people who really do identify as bisexual. People who don't see the barrier between genders as a fence to weed out who is ok to date and who is not.

I also have met people who say that bisexuals should stop being greedy and just pick one or the other. The "you can't have it both ways" approach. Well sexuality is not about greed! People who are straight are not attracted to every single individual of the opposite gender and people who are gay are not attracted to every same sex individual. And of course being bisexual isnt about being attracted to EVERYONE. Its not widening the playing field, its just knowing what you like and how you like it.

My point: People need accept people and throw out labels and their negative connotations. A person is not a stereotype and should not be treated like one. People should not have to conform to what the rigid society's idea of love is.

I am a lesbian. I like girls. Girls girls girls! But, I have considered myself pansexual in the past. Which is to say that i am attracted to people - regardless of male, female, or other. I don't see the rigid boundaries of gender as a line of discrimination. When I look at someone I'm not seeing what they are or what society has said they are, but i'm looking at WHO they are. It is a heart and soul thing. I just happen to be attracted to mainly female hearts and souls. I'm perfectly alright with the idea of dating someone who is transgendered. One day in the far far future i might even fall for a soul who is male. But for the time being this is not something i see arising. My point is that I am open to the possibility of it though!

So bisexuals, don't be afraid of who you are and don't let people tell you to pick a side! Love isn't war and there should be no sides. Facebook girls - please don't say that you are bisexual unless you mean it with your heart and are open to actually being committed to someone of either gender. Lets face it, offensive lies and hatred don't turn anyone on.

This rant has been sparked by an article from CNN which i have reprinted below. It can also be found here.

Bisexual or lesbian -- please make up your mind

By Nikki Dowling

One of the first times I went on a date with a girl, she asked me, "Are you bi or gay?"

Lesbian woman wants to set some women really straight.

"Well, I'm still figuring that out," I told her.

Her response was: "I knew you were too good to be true."

I then fell all over myself in an effort to explain to her that, although I was unsure about how to define my sexuality, I was definitely into girls, more so than I'm into guys. I am not and have never been bi-curious, bi for attention or bi only when men are around.

Since then, I've figured out that I'm solely into girls. So I guess I wasn't too good to be true, huh?

But, alas, in parts of the gay community, being bi or being a lesbian who has hooked up with guys in the past is like having horns or an incurable disease.

This isn't the case for all girls I have dated, but some lesbians don't want to date anyone who has been near a penis. Ever. Girls who have always been gay and nothing else carry it like a badge of honor. And, frankly, I'm jealous of them. I wish it was that easy for me to figure it out. But it wasn't.

I blame the bi-hatred on the rise of girls I will call "Facebook Lesbians." These are chicks you see on social networking Web sites and in clubs and bars getting touchy-feely with their platonic girlfriends to get attention from men.

They make being bisexual unacceptable in the eyes of some and are the reason even I can't say the word without putting air quotes around it. And, although for most of these girls it stops with a kiss or an innocent boob-grab, some of them actually identify themselves as bisexual, thus mucking things up for the whole gay community.

I have numerous female friends who think they swing both ways simply because the idea of kissing another girl doesn't totally repulse them. But would they have a relationship with another woman? No. So are they bi? I don't think so.

One of my friends in particular finds it necessary to grab my face and plant a wet one on me every time she has had too much to drink. Often she gets the bartender's attention beforehand.

This pisses me off because it is both insensitive and hurtful. She's assuming I have no problem kissing her because I'm gay. But the fact is, I don't want to kiss her because she's my friend and not my type. Straight girls don't go around making out with their guy friends. (Usually.) So why the double standard?

Luckily, I have met numerous girls who can commiserate. A lot of gay girls I know dated men in, say high school, but grew more and more attracted to women, until the thought of getting with a guy became repulsive. While I believe I was legitimately into dudes when I was younger, I no longer am and don't see myself ever going back.

I have talked about this with a lot of lesbian women and none of us can figure out if we were suppressing our true feelings or if the attraction to men was genuine. For me, growing up, there was simply no other option. I lived in a small, conservative town and that was that. You were straight or you were straight.

So for all you boob-grabbing-attention-seeking-Facebook-lesbians out there, my message to you is this: Don't kiss me unless you absolutely mean it. I'll return the favor. OK? Great.

BURN!

2009-07-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.

BURN!

Blunders and Aburdities

2009-03-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. Emerson, Ralph Waldo

Hiatus

2009-03-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like i haven't posted anything on this for a very long time.

That makes me sad.

Shiny Masochism - I vow to update you!

Halloween, Everybody Scream

2008-10-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

How did we get here?
How the hell...Pan left -- close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve -- last year

How could a night so frozen
be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild
be so raw?
Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic

Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums
Why did Maureen's equipment break down
Why am I the witnessAnd when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone

The Road Not Taken

2008-09-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

The Road Not Taken-Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

*Today in philosophy, Mr. Keonig dared us to ask the question which path will we take? Will we follow the mainstream of life, blending in, never questioning what we are told. Or will we take this-the road less travelled- where the way is not always clear, where we make our own noise, where we dare to question popular belief.
Today, my resolution is to take that divergent path and to follow it wherever it may lead. Life is not always certain, especially lately, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm probably already a few feet down the less traveled path.
But today I'm taking a philosopher's view about this path and daring to dedicate my life to something different. Because to me life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it and every day's a winding road. My rollercoaster's got the biggest ups and downs, but as long as it keeps goin' round its unbelievable.

inferno

2008-07-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

I LOVE APRIL GRAYCE DUNLOP

I HATE MY PARENTS

I HAVE TWISTED BEHAVIORS INVOLVING FOOD

MY LIFE IS THE LIVING REPLICA OF DANTE'S COMEDY

I MISS YOU

I LOVE YOU

COLD NIGHTS AND STREET CORNERS BABY, THATS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING

IF YOU WANT, YOU MAY VERY WELL FIND ME AROUND FLEET STREET I WOULDN"T WONDER

i'm still alive
i'm still going to attend stoga
band camp all the way baby

if the going is all in the getting there, than i really need to find a way that offers better gas milage.

i can't wait for school to start. i'm actually going to be able to see people for the first time in 2 months!

Where Do We Go From Here?

2008-06-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
The battle's done and we kind of won
So we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here?
Why is the path unclear?
When we know hope is near?
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
but we'll walk alone in fear.
Tell me! Where do we go from here?
When does the end appear?
When do the trumpets cheer?
The curtain's closed on a kiss,
God knows, you can tell the end is near.
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?

It's been a while. I've been busy, life's had its ups and downs. Trust me, it hasn't been easy. I haven't been online a lot lately, but that's okay. I think i needed a hiatus from the chaos - or at least, from the distraction.

I've missed alot too though, but i'm coming to terms with that.

I've noticed this about myself - i live for the chaos. its suck, but i THRIVE on it. i didn't really know this about myself until things settled down for a couple weeks and i found i didn't know what to do with myself.

how do you move one when you still feel jilted?

or is moving on just acknowledging the feeling and pushing forward anyway?

all i know is its summer now (basically) and i plan to spend it with the people that i love insanely because home is where the heart is.

My Life, As Of Late

2008-03-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

Fact: Sharon has been having a very bad past couple of weeks.
Fiction: Sharon has dealt with it in healthy ways
Fact: Sharon considers herself a Christ follower
Fiction: That means she thinks her sexuality and her religion clash
Fact: Sharon ran into someone who tried to "fix" her.
Fiction: It worked
Fact: Sharon feels she was alienated from her church, and basically driven out by her pastor.
Fiction: She doesn't hold this against him.
Fact: Sharon's life was ripped apart by someone claiming to be "doing what is best for her in the eyes of God"
Fiction: God would approve of this person's actions

FACT: I identify as pansexual [basically bisexual, but also includes people who are trans or bigendered, etc] and I have a wonderful relationship with another girl at Stoga [its going on 4 months]
FACT: I believe Christ Jesus
FACT: My pastor found out about my orientation
FICTION: My pastor accepted me and loved me anyway.

I used to attend Grave Valley Fellowship at the Christian Conference Center in Valley Forge. Before we were called GVF, we were Living Oaks Community, a break off of Church Of The Savior. I've been a part of the congregation since I was about 3 years old. I've helped with the PowerPoint [instead of hymnals, we used PP to project everything from videos and song lyrics to missions slides and sermon notes] since I was about 10, alongside a man I consider my Godfather, an "Uncle Nick".
About 6 years ago, the church moved from meeting in the Delaware Valley Friends School, to its current location at the conference center. This is also when we got a new name and a new pastor. I also started to run the power point service on my own then. Instead of having Nick shadow over me, he would often be a Sunday School teacher, leaving me to do the job alone.
Then, about 3 years ago, Pastor Scott left us, and we brought in a new Pastor. "Pastor Dave." Around this time my parents stopped attending regularly and Nick proceeded to be my only way to get to church, so he would drive me. Since I was there early anyway, and since I had grown proficient in the work, I completely took over the PowerPoint service then, both making and projecting the slides each Sunday.
About a month ago, I first started bringing my girlfriend, April, to GVF with me. We'd sit in the back, with Nick, while I did slides. She hadn't really grown up in the church, and did not consider herself Christian, though her mom was, and she was overjoyed that her daughter was attending services.
Maybe the 2nd or 3rd time April visited GVF with me, we were both having a bit of a bad day, so I held her hand at one point, and rubbed her back. It was nothing but a friendly gesture, no one was making out, we weren't making a statement, I was just consoling her, nothing I wouldn't do to any other friend of mine.
That Monday, I received an email from Pastor Dave:

"Hi Sharon, I’m a little confused about something. Maybe you can help me. Someone in the congregation who cares about you noticed you holding hands with April on Sunday. That person later went to your Facebook and read what you say there about being bisexual/lesbian. I’m not judging you. I just think we need to talk. Could you suggest a time when you could stop by the church office? Thanks. Pastor Dave "

To put it lightly, I FREAKED.
I'm not out to my parents, and I certainly didn't want some Pastor that I hardly knew that well digging around in my personal life. So I kinda stopped functioning. I became an emotional wreck, and I started getting a lot of frequent flyer miles with Mrs.Dunleavy [the school psychologist].

I sent him a short, sweet reply:

"Just wanted to say that I received your email, and that I am looking forward to talking to you Sunday."

Not that I was looking forward to talking with him, cause I could already tell where he was coming from. He was the concerned Christian, and I was the sinner whose "eternal soul was in peril".
Well, he wasn't gonna leave it till Sunday, as I had clearly stated was my wish. For this was his reply email:

"Sharon,
Thanks for getting back to me. We need to carve out some time to sit down and talk. Sunday morning is a tough time for me to do that. I suspect it is for you too. Let’s try to get together before then, if possible. I don’t know if your parents are aware of your relationship with April or not, but we need to have either your parents or another woman from the church join us—whichever you feel more comfortable with. At the very least, your parents should know what’s going on and give their permission for us to meet and talk about this. How does that sound to you?
Is there another woman in the church that you’d like to join us? I know [I'm not putting other names in, lets call her Woman 1] would join us if we could meet before they leave for the youth retreat tomorrow at 4:00. Otherwise, I can ask another mature, trustworthy woman in the church to join us.
This is important stuff. Would you get back with me on this as soon as possible? If we have to carve out time on Sunday before or after the service, I’m willing to do that. Until we have a chance to sort things out, I’ve asked Nick to handle the PowerPoint, so you won’t have to worry about that. He’s going to use his computer this Sunday. Just bring the church’s computer when you come.
Also, I spoke with [woman 2] about giving you a ride this Sunday. She’s willing to do that. You’ll just need to confirm with her what time you need her to pick you up. (Remember to set your clock forward Saturday night. Perhaps you won’t need to come as early though, since you don’t have to run the PowerPoint.). [Woman 2's] number is (###) ###- ####. Looking forward to talking further. Pastor Dave"

WELL WTF! Not only had he already jumped to conclusions, he was on the "lets get your parents involved" path. Well, NO NO NO NO NO! And look, there's more! He asked someone who I've known since I was 3, and who has the relationship of a Godfather, an uncle, to me, to stop driving me! He completely cut me off from the one man who is my "family" at that church. What else? Look whose not doing the PowerPoint anymore.. ME! I guess he thought I was gonna add lesbian porn or something to it and corrupt everyone! [Though, I'd been running the PowerPoint since before he was a member of the church, if I was gonna put lesbian porn on it, I would have already done so]
Well, this sent me off the deep end again. I was back in Dunleavy's office, having panic attacks and insomnia.

But finally Sunday rolled around and we "talked". Which meant I had to fight to get people that I wanted in on the conversation, in his office. It ended up being [on my side:] April, April's Mother, and myself and [on his side:] Pastor Dave and a lady at our church who had been a minister while she was in England. Neutral to both sides, was my college friend Miranda.

And so the conversation ensued: Him asking how I felt that my religion and my so called orientation didn't clash. Me telling him what I believe, which boils down to GOD IS LOVE! AND LOVE IS LOVE. And that I don't believe for one second that God will condemn me for LOVE, which He puts as His greatest commandment. And Pastor Dave telling me "yeah, that's nice, whatever, YOU'RE WRONG!" [He didn't come out and say it, but his need to "fix" me, basically shows that].
And so Pastor Dave decided that we needed to go over the scriptures and see what God said about the matter.
2 problems
1. Same sex relationships are not really listed in the Bible, what it talks about as a sin is the LUST of some of the homosexual prostitutes. [The Bible was all for making babies, cause the population back then.... well, there wasn't one!]
2. He wasn't gonna change me, he couldn't. I love April, nothing he could do or say wouldn't ever be able to touch that.

Of course there was a "followup email":

"Sharon,
I'm glad we had a chance to talk today. I appreciate your willingness to share with me (and [Woman who was a minister at her church in England]) some of your thoughts about your relationship with April. I know that wasn't easy.
As I tried to convey in our meeting, by challenging the compatibility of your choices with God's revealed will (in the Bible) I do not mean to condemn you or devalue you in any way. In fact, the opposite is true: I felt compelled to speak up out of concern for you. If your relationship with April is outside God's good plan for you (as I believe it is, based on the Scripture), then you're forfeiting God's best for you. I can't stand by and watch you do that without at least saying something.
If you're still open to exploring what the Bible says about this, I'd like to suggest a way forward. I understand that you're reluctant to share with your parents what's going on for fear of their reaction. What if I met with them to break the news, while at the same time offering some practical help for how to open a channel for respectful communication on this subject. I'm not saying it will be easy, but approaching it this way might be a constructive way to buffer their initial reaction. In any case, I don't think it wise to discuss an issue as significant as this without your parents' knowledge.
I'd also like to suggest you meet with a mature Christian woman in our church (I can offer a suggestion or two here) to continue the discussion. (Another option, of course, would be to see a female Christian counselor if finances would permit. If you like, we can have someone help you with this.)
Sharon, would you give this prayerful consideration and get back with me regarding whether you'd like to proceed with my suggestion(s)?
Thanks.
I'm praying for you.
Pastor Dave"

At this point, I was getting ticked off. He was taking it too far, way too far.

"Pastor Dave, Though I appreciate your concern, my relationship with my parents, and what I choose to tell them, is private. I would appreciate it if you would respect my wishes concerning this, and to allow me to choose the level of involvement I would wish for my parents to have. As for your idea of reviewing the Scriptures, I am more than willing to oblige. I would just like to state outright that any plans you may have to change how I feel about my orientation or my feelings for April will not be affected by this. I do not feel the need for full out counseling in this matter, because I am comfortable with who I am, and what I believe.-Sharon"

Well, he wasn't about to let that be the end of it.

"Sharon, Let me assure you that my goal in this matter is simply to help you enjoy God’s fullest blessing on your life. Is that your goal too? Understanding how he’s made you is a crucial part of enjoying his blessing. I’m glad you’re willing to review the Scriptures. I think you might be surprised at what you find.
May I suggest a website you might find interesting? It’s http://www.exodus.to/. I hope you’ll check it out. BTW: I think it best to let someone else (i.e. Nick for starters) run PowerPoint on Sunday mornings until we can sort things out. Could you return the computer to Nick on Sunday? Thanks. More later… Pastor Dave"

2 notes on his email:
1. The website he gave me is sick "Freedom From Homosexuality Through Christ Jesus". Though one of its founders later cursed the site and lived out the rest of his life with his partner. A point I kinda liked. But other than that it was one of those "we can fix you, ex gay sites"
2. HE COMPLETELY ALIENATES ME RIGHT THERE. I don't get along with the youth at GVF, I've never been part of Youth Group. My friends at that church are a couple college students, an older lady in her 60's, and Nick. My niche at church: running the PowerPoint. well.. PPOOOOFFF that was gone.

At this point, I was in "LETS KILL THE GUY" mode. Thankfully though, I have friends who don't wanna see me behind bars. "He's not worth it" they told me. And they were right.

So April and I and a group of my friends [collectively we call ourselves "the CLITS"] went to church this past Palm Sunday and left this note on Pastor Dave's desk before the service, and walked out. I'm NEVER returning to GVF, so GOODBYE AND SO LONG!

"Pastor Dave-
Thank you for taking the time to read this note. I'm sorry we didn't get to speak in person. I find it disconcerting that you instructed Nick to refrain from bringing me to church. I've been running the PowerPoint at GVF since before you were a member of this church.
Therefore, your decision / attempt to alienate me from the congregation has left me no choice but to distance myself from this community until such time as your message of intolerance is reformed.
I've grown to feel unwelcome in the past few weeks. You [the church] claim to be a haven of acceptance, but your discriminatory attitude contradicts this statement.
I hope the true nature of God's love finds you before you turn anyone else away.
-Sharon (& April, Bryce, Liz)"

It was our version of the 95 Thesis. It wasn't nailed to the church door, and it wasn't quite as long, but I think we conveyed our point just as well as Luther did. But alas, Pastor Dave was determined to have the last say.

"Sharon,
I got your hand-written note on Sunday. It seems you’ve misunderstood me. I hope I can clear up those misunderstandings between us.
Let me assure you, first of all, that I have respected your wishes not to tell your parents about your lesbian lifestyle. I have not told Nick either. What I have told him is that we’re working through some sensitive issues but that I didn’t feel at liberty to discuss them. (I do think you should consider sharing what’s happening with Nick; I’m sure he must be wondering what’s going on).
The reason I told Nick I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to be the one to give you a ride to church had nothing to do with trying to alienate you from the congregation (as your note suggests). For that matter, my suggestion to Nick had nothing at all to do with your lifestyle. Rather, I don’t think it’s wise for any Christian man to be spending time alone with a young lady who’s legally considered to be a minor—not because I think anything inappropriate is going on but because it could cast a shadow over the integrity of one or both of those individuals. I realize you may not agree with my reasoning on this and that’s OK. I just wanted you to know why I said what I did to Nick. It was in no way intended to alienate you from anyone. In fact, before I spoke to Nick I called [woman 2] (whom I know has given you a ride before) to ask if she would be willing to bring you to church. She said she would. As I mentioned in my earlier email, you just have to call her to confirm a time to be picked up.
On the other hand, my decision to give you a break from running the PowerPoint on Sunday mornings is directly related to your interaction with April during the Sunday service, which as we discussed, was a distraction to other worshipers. Until we can reach an understanding on this, I can’t let you serve in this way if it means others will be distracted from connecting with God on Sunday morning. I hear you saying everyone should accept you the way you are, but frankly, I’m not sure you’ve acknowledged how your public displays of affection negatively impacted others around you. As Miranda shared in our meeting, this is more about being considerate of those around you than it is about your sexual orientation.
I’m sorry you’ve felt unwelcome at church the past few weeks. You and April are quite welcome to participate in our Sunday services (I hope you will), providing…
1. You’re willing to respect other worshipers (that means no public display of affection or other distracting behaviors).
2. You’re willing to honestly examine what the Scriptures say about your lifestyle and seek to let God conform you to his design (understanding that we all stumble in many ways).
Sharon, I know you may have experienced mean and hateful responses to your choices elsewhere, but that’s now what’s happening here. I think you’ve known me and our congregation long enough to know that we practice grace. We do our best in God’s strength to love each other as Christ taught us. The resistance you’re getting from me and other Christian friends who care about you is not a lack of acceptance. Quite the opposite. Our resistance is motivated by Christian love—a love that desires to see you basking in all that God created you to be. God loves all of us just the way we are… but he loves us too much to leave us that way. Christ meets us where we are, but the whole point of following him is to be transformed. That means change. We want Christ to strip away whatever is not part of his good plan for us and make us new. Are you willing to let him do that in your life?
Pastor Dave"

Did anyone notice a nice little Freudian slip? So did I...

I do like the fact that April and I are distracting, as we sit in the back row and do nothing but hold hands. Yet heterosexual couples are allowed to hug and embrace and even kiss at the church... maybe I find that a little distracting...
Also, his reason for having Nick stop driving me is total BS. The guy has known that Nick drives me, alone, every Sunday, and has done so since before he was a member of GVF. It was never a problem until Pastor Dave had a problem with me..

"Sharon,
I just realized after I sent my earlier email that I made a typographical error. I think the auto-correct feature tried to correct it for me but it made me say the opposite of what I intended!
Near the end, it says, “Sharon, I know you may have experienced mean and hateful responses to your choices elsewhere, but that’s now what’s happening here.” It should read, Sharon, I know you may have experienced mean and hateful responses to your choices elsewhere, but that’s NOT what’s happening here.”
My point was that we’re not trying to be mean toward you. So sorry about the confusion. I wanted to be sure that got corrected!
Pastor Dave "

So, that's the end. I left, and I refuse to childishly battle it out with him. He's not changing his stance, and I am sure not changing mine.
----------------------------------------------------
I wanna take this time to thank Christ for what he has given me: SOMEONE TO LOVE. The Bible states over and over again about how God intended for people to live in fellowship with one another. How romantic relationships are important. That is why Adam got Eve, as a help-mate. If the matter of population hadn't been an issue, I often wonder if Adam would have gotten Steve instead.
Thank you April, for being my help-mate. I LOVE YOU.

-----------------------------------------------------

As this issue was happening I also posted bits and pieces of it at POST SECRET COMMUNITY.
Here is a link to it, I entitled it "The Only Email In My Inbox"

What They Block

2008-03-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

So i am sitting here, in AP Psych class with Tara, surfing the web mindlessly. My blog comes up into my mind. Is it blocked i wonder... NO!

SO I AM POSTING FROM THE STOGA LIBRARY! HOW FUCKING RAD IS THAT!!?!!!

Alot has been going on lately that has turned my life upside-down. I don't wanna write about it here just yet, because my emotions are still haywire. But once I get the situation, and myself, under control, expect a long, emotional, angry rant about how the religious man who is supposed to help me keep my life under control, supposed to be supportive and loving, is the man who is brick by brick tearing my life apart.

I know Shiny Masochism was closed to everyone for a while, this is why! Because someone who isn't as liberal minded as myself Internet stalked me here, and took their findings back to my pastor.. who doesn't share my views.

So, my peeps, thank you all for the support you give me, in whatever form it comes,
whether as hugs, talks, or bites [heh..heh...] you guys have kept me from, as i say, "tipping my rocker"

Now, the 8 min bell for period 3 is about to ring, and I have to get back to whatever Z wanted us to be doing.

Tchues!

Will You Be My Valentine?

2008-02-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

Please read this link first

PLEASE READ THE LINK OR YOU'LL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I AM REFERRING TO!

Someone first pointed this out to me on PSC, but this is an issue that is very close to my heart. It is unacceptable to me, that we live in a world where death is the punishment for being gay. Hate is such a strong and vile force in our world.

Anyway... here is my rant:

** note: when I get upset, my ADD really comes out, so stay with me if i jump from topic to topic and don't make a lot of sense.. I'm frustrated about this issue.. and my head is rolling with ideas of what to say, and nothing truly flows..**
-----------------------------

My reaction to this was literally to wanna scream/cry/shout/break a pencil/ scream some more/ track down the Larry's killer and make him see!

I am pansexual, I love people, regardless of sex. Though, on the Kinsey Scale I rate about a 4.5-5.0. I also have a wonderful girlfriend who I completely, head-over-heels, in love with. So, as I mentioned, this issue is personal.

I really hate hatred [har har har] based on religion, race, orientation... ANYTHING. I jokingly say I hate things, but when it comes down to it. I don't truly hate anyone, or any group of people. I may disagree very strongly with that person's, or group of persons', actions, but I do not hate them, I hate what they do. [Though people who wear uggs or crocs must die!!!!!!]

Killing someone is never the answer though. I have a problem with the death penalty. The concept is that you killed someone, so we're gonna kill you! But shouldn't someone kill us for killing you... and so forth?

But what really gets me about this is that Larry was in 8th grade! They were 15 year old boys. At 15, to feel that your masculinity is so threatened by another guy..... I can't even imagine it. To have such strong hatred at 15... it makes me sad. That is the world we live in, that is the message we are sending to the future generations...

We are fighting a war on terror in Iraq, what about the terror in our own country? The discrimination, the hatred.....

[I'm barely able to get words out... The entire issue just makes so me upset.]

To kill someone, because of their orientation, to deem that person unworthy to live.... it's just not right. As Ellen says, "when the message out there is so horrible that to be gay, you can get killed for it, we need to change the message. Larry was not a second-class citizen. I am not a second-class citizen. It’s ok if you’re gay."

[I'm just sitting here trying to form words, all that I can think is "WOW". Silent, foreboding, wow. This is our world, this is the home of the free, and the land of the brave. WOW]

For all of history, the human race has been plagued with murder. Cain killed Abel, Hitler killed millions, John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln... and what has it accomplished?

Someone sees that Brandon has killed Larry because of his sexuality, what does this someone see? That killing is an okay way to "deal with" such an issue.

** Right now I can barely form rational thoughts.... I'm just so disturbed by this. Expect me to update/ at least comment about this again shortly.**

This really brings to mind lyrics from "Colors Of The Wind"

You think the only people who are people are the people all who look and think like you. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger you'll learn things you never knew you never knew.

Another story that goes along with hatred is that of Tempest Smith: http://allpoetry.com/column/show/1284160

Not My Cup of Tea, [Not That I Drink A Lot Of Tea]

2008-02-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

So today I was dragged to therapy for the first time since I was 1o. I know I have issues, but talking about them to someone who doesn't know me from Eve has never been my first choice of how to solve these problems. But April insisted, and she's so cute, so I gave in.
And so I found myself sitting across a badly organized table, talking to one Linda Shope. Now, its rather ironic that I don't like psychologists, since I'm almost certain that I will at least minor in psychology. The way that I am, I can't allow myself to go to a psychologist until I completely understand how psychology works, which is part of the reason that I am taking psychology this year. My parents joke that I took it so I could figure out what the hell is wrong with me. This was one of my incentives for taking the course, the other being that Zimmerman was the teacher!
I haven't had the best experience with the field of psychology though. My parents brought me to a psychologist when I was 1o, and I basically ended up telling the guy to go fuck himself. I was very clear to him: I won't let you test me until I test you. So whenever he would ask me anything, I demanded that he answer the question first. Now, a psychologist isn't really going to take this from a silly 10 year old child, and so he refused... and so did I.
Ms. Shope was not a horrible psychologist. Since I was only with her for an hour, it would be completely unfair of me to judge her in any way. She seems like a genuinely nice woman, and she came off as passionate, yet methodical in what she did. But I am not one to talk freely about my personal life, epically to those I don't know.
I am a pretty social person, but I don't allow myself to talk emotionally about myself to very many people. I'm much better at fixing other people's problems than my own. The way I grew up, we deal with things by pushing them to the back of our minds, and then freaking out over something insignificant, like the day's dinner, or how the laundry isn't done. I am so thankful for those around me who allow me to be myself, and to work out my crazy self with them.
Kait Brennan - you are the only person who really allows me to have full emotional release. THANK YOU!
I am also soooo sooo sooo sooo sooo x a million!!!!! thankful for April, [I love you.] Without people like this in my life, I can honestly say, I don't know if I'd be here to write this blog. My friends are my psychologists. They may not know anything about psychology at all, but they know me. They know how I work and they know the things that are going on in my life. And they know how to get me through all the crazy. [Plus, I don't have to pay a million dollars to have someone tell me I'm crazy!]
A lot of people have suggested I get a psychologist of my own. I know they are worried, and I know that in their situation, I would most likely offer the same idea. But that's just not how I work. Maybe one day I'll be able to diagnose all of the crazy disorders that I have, and maybe even "fix" myself. But until then, I'll just pray for better coping skills, and the continued support of my peoples.
O yeah.. and a Starbucks shop of my very own ^^

A Child Called It

2008-02-24T15:02:00.000-08:00

This is a post i made a couple days ago on The Mag Lev Trains, a blog that i keep w/ Messo and Ello. But this post had a lot to do w/ my own life at the moment, and my mentalities. So, here's a link .

please read/comment

either here or there, it doesn't matter!

And No One's Gettin' Fat Except Mama Cass

2008-02-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have been... crazy, and that's putting it nicely. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off [no joke]. Anyone who knows me knows that my coping skills aren't the greatest, but thankfully, I got through it [somehow....]
Over the past few weeks I have had some pretty had insomnia, and I slept outside a couple times, and I even spent a good hour hyperventilating in the nurse's, [among some other things we won't mention..]
As most of you noticed... I was a bit off. Well, things have calmed down - to the point of almost a standstill. And it scares me! I went from freaking about about just about everything, to freaking out because I have nothing to freak out about!
Now, that sounds pretty stupid - cause in truth I am relieved that all of the issues of the past few week have been solved, or are in the process of being solved. But I'm still about anxious about the whole thing. To quote Juno, I was "dealing with things wayyy beyond my maturity level."

This weekend, I have rediscovered my love for 60's folk music. Now, for those of you who just mentally wrote me off as completely crazy, I have one particular group in mind : The Mamas & The Papas. If I'm Ello/Messo, TM&TP's are my Beatles. If I'm Jacob Colbert, they're Nick Dobner. I've found that I have really expanded my taste of music of the past few years [when shuffle plays 60's folk that is followed by Marilyn Manson, you know something is up....] But I tend to listen to whatever plays to my emotions at the time, so my iTunes basically has schizophrenia!
But whatever gets me through it, is what I listen to. Right now, I'm California Dreamin, waiting for summer to bloom. I need a break after all the "mugwumps, high jumps, low slumps, big bumps---Don't you work as hard as you play. Make up, break up, everything is shake up; Guess it had to be that way."
So, "sweet dreams till sunbeams find you."

conKerr

2008-02-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night, one of the most extraordinary people died, at home, with his family, the he wanted it to be. He’d fought a tough battle with a rare bone cancer, and he’d won – because in the face of it all, he was the one who managed to find the silver lining. He helped others, many of them better off than he was, and he did it with a smile on his face. Someone whose attitude was bright and kind, he found a way to make you feel better when you were feeling down, even if it was just something small, it mattered. Ryan, you did it,
YOU CONKERRED!

http://www.philly.com/philly/obituaries/20080208_Ryan_Kerr__17__helped_others_with_his_disease.html

This quote was taken from Ryan's facebook wall :

“Over the last few days, I’ve been mulling over what to say, how to describe your wonderful life in a few sentences, and unfortunately, am still at a loss. You truly did live life the fullest. You were the epitome of a true friend, classmate, role model, hero, and inspiration. The things you did, the things you accomplished in short amount a time, the only way to describe it as awe inspiring. It hardly seems fair that you had to be taken from us so soon when you had still so much to give, but you’re in a better place and better equipped and able to continue your mission to help others and bring smiles to thousands.
It was truly a pleasure to have known and befriended you, and I will always truly cherish the time and experiences we had together.
thank you for everything”

I Love You Guys

2008-02-04T14:25:00.001-08:00

Anyone who knows me, which would be all of you, knows I'm pretty much the most insane person ever. But you guys allow me to be who I am, and I feel so honored to be considered your friend. This past year has been really different for me, I've met ALOT of new people, who I can't imagine ever living without now.

It wasn't until recently that I came out to most of my friends, because for the longest time I was unable to trust people, but thats another topic for another day.... But you guys have proved to be my stronghold, and I know without a doubt that I can call on you night or day when I'm having a tough time.

You all know that I'm not the easiest person to put up with, I'm loud, opinonated, crazy, and often very spacey - but you guys have accepted me and and means the world to me. I love that you guys share in my craziness, and allow me to share in yours.

So thank you, for being there, for not strangling me when I'm in a bad mood, for putting up with the crazy, the tired, and bitchy, and the homicidal! YOU GUYS MAKE IT WORTH IT

I love ya!

Heterosexual Questionnaire

2008-01-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THIS!

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommates know?

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?

8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

9. Why do heterosexuals feel so compelled to introduce others to their lifestyle?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?

11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?

13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest of sexually transmitted disease. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?

14. How can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?

15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel that (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own orientation?

17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you change if you really want to. Have you ever considered aversion therapy?

18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems (s)he would face?

SMEXY CELEBS!

2008-01-30T12:26:00.000-08:00

With Valentine's Day coming up in a few weeks I thought I'd post this... I've made and revised this list as a joke between a couple different friends and I. But I decided that I actually wanted to take this seriously, so I picked some of my favorite celeb hotties and made my list. Its not complete... [hahha... it would be sooo much longer!] but I did try to pick out most of my current faves. I thought that everyone might get a kick out of the list, and I'm sure I'll probably regret posting it. But here goes nothing.....

****oooo! i've also tried to include a little bit of who the ppl are as well as picture links!****

MY HOT LIST:

---WOMEN--------------------------------

- Helena Bonham Careter [Mrs Lovett, Ophelia] ~ Or HBC as I call her. Basically, I've had a crush on her since i was about 10! She is such a goddess! That about sums it up! I've seen basically every movie she was ever in (isn't it great that she wears a corset in so many of them?)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/content/images/2006/11/01/maggi_396x222.jpg http://i.thisislondon.co.uk/i/pix/2007/05/36a_17_Helena_243x368.jpg

-Katee Sackhoff [Starbuck of BSG] ~ Lately I've become a really big fan of Battlestar Galactica, and Katee Sackhoff's character Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace. She is amazingly strong and is not afraid to be herself - no matter how obnoxious she is! The character was originally a man in the first edition of BSG, and so Starbuck has a lot of odd traits, which makes her even more appealing. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/images/2007/05/16/katee.jpg

- Pauley Perrette [Abby Scuito from NCIS] ~ Pauley is such an amazing woman, and so is her character Abby. They both have a Gothic ring about them (though Abby a THOUSAND times more) I love the character of Abby because she has this tough exterior but is a complete child underneath, always searching for affection. Plus she has a caffeine addiction like me! http://image.com.com/tv/images/processed/super/d7/0e/28522.jpg http://www.tvguide.com/images/pgimg/pauley-perrette1.jpg

-Alyson Hannigan [Willow of Buffy The Vampire Slayer] ~ I've always been a really big fan of Joss Whedon shows, and I grew up watching BUFFY. Willow was always my favorite, especially Vampire Willow (the hottest incarnation of Willow). When it came out that she was a lesbian I was like OMG! It really helped me embrace my own homosexuality. Basically, I used to be soo jealous of Tara! http://www.network23.com/hub/ahas/images/pics/nwillow1.jpg

-Bernadette Peters [Into The Woods, Sunday In The Park With George] ~ I am a HUGE theatre buff and Bernadette Peters is one of my all time favorite Broadway singers. I love her voice and her ability to become the character. She is so beautiful as the witch in Into The Woods, she is just so amazing! Plus I am totally jealous of her voice!
http://www.theatre-musical.com/intothewoods/peters.jpg

-Tracie Thoms & Idina Menzel[Joanne and Maureen from RENT] ~ They are one of my favorite lesbian couples (besides Willow and Tara). I think they are both really beautiful and strong willed people. I follow both of them in their careers and I'm so amazed by how far they've gone. (I wanna be Taye Diggs so that I could be married to Idina!) http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/35/88/53/18457818.jpg
http://l.yimg.com/img.tv.yahoo.com/tv/us/img/site/48/70/0000034870_20061021022917.jpg

-Jewel Staite [Kaylee from Firefly] ~ Another girl from a Joss Whedon show, this time Firefly. Jewel's character had me from the start, because she was the cute, innocent, emotional one who really kept the rest of the crew together. http://www.mutantreviewers.com/rmoviegirlfriends2.jpg

-Tricia Helfer [Number 6 from BSG] ~ Tricia plays one of the cylons, Model 6, and all of the copies of her character that pop up on BSG. Incidentally she is the only other blonde on this list as well (Katee S, also BSG is the first). I would totally betray the human race for her! JK! (that would make me Baltar... ICK)http://l.yimg.com/img.tv.yahoo.com/tv/us/img/site/50/23/0000035023_20061021050352.jpg
-Eliza Dushku [Faith on Buffy] ~ Joss Whedon shows have HOT PEOPLE! I have a Buffy thing going on.... Anyway, Faith was the rouge slayer on Buffy, who was really tough, turning dark at the end. But her character reminded me of myself, for her inability to recognize her own emotional distress. http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/348190472_b93c09cb2e.jpg

-Minnie Driver [Good Will Hunting, Phantom Of The Opera] ~ I think she is really pretty and I love the ethnicity about her... and I'm actually a fan of her music. http://www.nndb.com/people/775/000025700/minnie-driver.jpg

-Rose McGown [Paige on Charmed] ~My favorite of the Charmed sisters, Rose is a beauty! http://actressmmm.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/paiges5promo.jpg

-Ashley Judd [Eye of the Beholder, Twisted, Double Jeopardy] ~ I'm a big fan of all of the Judd woman (i love Wynonna's music). Ashley is the acting sister who's career I have followed obsessively ever since I saw her in Double Jeopardy like 5 years ago. She is so gorgeous and really in tune with her emotions. She also does a lot for AIDS research. She is soo awesome!http://www.redbookmag.com/cm/redbook/images/ashley-judd-de.jpg

-Little Nell Campbell [Columbia from Rocky Horror] ~ Only thing I can say is that she's cute as a button and has a ridiculous voice!

---MEN-------------------------------------------

-Tim Cury [Frank in Rocky Horror, the butler in Clue] ~ FRANK N FURTER... It's true: He's such a hotdog! I have always loved RHPS, anyone who knows me knows I'm a HUGE fan. In his early days he is so amazing (its really too bad that he's gotten to be old.. SOBS) Tim in that outfit makes me go wild! As is pointed out on April's facebook "I think I have a transvestite fetish...." http://www.artistdirect.com/Images/artd/amg/music/bio/419435_tc_200x200.jpg

-Anthony Rapp [Mark from RENT] ~ Ever since I saw the movie, I've completely been crushing on him, too bad he favors men :/ I just always found him in his artist emo-ness so adorable. http://images.filmstew.com/ReviewsViews/12846/r_rapp.jpg

-Johnny Depp [Edward Scissorhands, Pirates of the Caribbean] ~ I know its a crime, but ONLY IN THESE 2 ROLES do I find him attractive, AS HIMSELF HE DOES NOTHING FOR ME! But in those two roles...... hahaha. I'm just another hopeless girl who has fall en for Captain Jack Sparrow. http://costumzee.com/view/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/edwards.jpg http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/05_02/pirateDM2505_468x456.jpg

-Nathan Fillion [Firefly, Serenity] ~ I really should thank Joss Whedon for finding all these hotties.... But Mal, or Captain Tight Pants as Kaylee loves to call him, is a hunk. In the words of Rio : "MAL IS HOT!!!!" http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/061101/182131__firefly_l.jpg

-Stuart Townsend [Queen of the Damned] ~Another cute hunk, with the "I'm half dead" look going on, but still he's just so amazingly HOT http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w5/Micha33/lestat9.jpg

-The 2 Hunks From Buffy : Angel (David Boreanaz) & Spike (James Marsters) ~ I've really always loved the two smexy vamps from Buffy. Angel is so boyfriendly )except for when he loses his soul...) and Spike.. with the hair.. and the accent!
http://www.keonkwa.com/Angel%20&%20Spike,%20The%20Dhampir.jpg http://www.delcarsdungeon.com/mels/images/angel/images/boreanaz5.jpg

-Ewan McGregor (Moulin Rouge) ~ I love him from Moulin Rouge, not only is he totally adorable but he is a hopeless romantic! All you need is love -- and Ewan McGregor!!!! http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/trailer/10000324/trailer_01.jpg

-Wilson Jeremaine Heredia [Angel from RENT] ~ ANGEL IS SOO GREAT! confession: the pic of him in drag is no joke.. that is how i find him hot. As a man, sure he's good looking, but he loses something. (I really do have a transvestite fetish... lol) http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper803/stills/e9qt0ggu.gif

-John Dye [Andrew from Touched By An Angel] ~ I grew up watching TBAA, and i always thought he was soo cute! He plays the angel of death, and I was always really sad cause I he's so cute I thought it was such a waste for him to be an angel..... though the fact that he can inhabit human form is a wayyy good thing! http://touchedbyanangel.fanspace.com/images/john7th.jpg

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So that's my list. It doesn't have everybody on it.. and I took out some of the really embarrassing ones.... but I hope you enjoyed listening to my insanity and I hope you agree with me.
I have really odd taste sometimes, but as Janet said "I don't like a man with too many muscles" and I love women that are strong willed.

Please comment on whether or not you agree with my choices, and if you would: Suggest a few hotties of your own (PLEASE INCLUDE PHOTO LINKS!)

*** addition: HUGH LAURIE! aka : HOUSE MD~!

Our World Is A Wonderful Place

2008-01-27T06:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.postsecretcommunity.com/chat/viewtopic.php?t=31487

[My rant to follow... its still being edited]

A great community

2008-01-14T16:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.postsecretcommunity.com/chat

April pointed this out to me - but i love it!
It's filled with ppl who acutally know how to have convos without cursing eachother out!

Bumper Cars

2008-01-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of bumper cars! I love crazy driving and crashing into as many ppl as you can! In fact.... since i don't have my license, its really the only time i get to drive. So I LOVE IT.

I don't, however, enjoy playing bumper cars IN ACTUAL CARS. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened to my mother and i near the KOP last night. About 6 months ago the yield sign near the steakhouse was turned into a stop sign, which is all fine and dandy - if people actually stop! Most of the cars in front of us didn't though, but my mother came to a slight stop and was about to pull out when BANG CLANK
The guy behind - he didn't stop - that is, until his car hit ours. Thankfully, my mother and i, and her car are alright. Mom and I got slight whiplash [resulting in me not taking a US test due to headaches today....] and the car was scratched/a small dent. Of course, our car is a Ford Taurus that is a couple years old, the other guy - his car was a new Lexis. It got most of the damage isn't karma funny?
Of course this sparked my dad into a whole mess of : SHARON, YOU TO DRIVE AROUND WHEN EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT. I'M NOT HAVING ONE MORE TEEN DRIVER OUT ON THE ROAD.. [though the guy that hit us was in his 40's.....]

Anyway, I was a bit shocked -I've never been in a car crash before. Not that this was a huge crash. Everyone walked away from it - which is good! But still, its an eye opener.

The funny part : My mother had just pointed out that the ppl before us had ran the stop sign. And she was about to say something about seeing if the idiot behind us would bother to stop -

Well... I guess we know the answer to that!

Stranded

2008-01-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

Around noon on Wednesday of this week, a tree on our street fell, taking with it both electric and phone lines. While it was annoying to come home without power or phone, I wasn't to put off because I knew that these would soon be returned to me. This was half true.
The power was returned later that evening [thankfully]. So I was able to go online, use lights, stove, tv...... It was great. The phone, however, was not turned back on that day, nor the next.
After a full 24 hours my mom got kinda pissed and tried to get a hold of the phone company online. Their website had you fill out all this info - and the account would be confirmed BY A PHONE CALL TO YOUR HOME PHONE! HA!
Alot of help that was. So we waited another day. When I got home Friday the phone line was still down. This really bugged me. Not only had it prevented me getting in touch with my friends, bu what if there'd been an emergency? What if my grandmother had fallen and she couldn't get in touch with us? What if we'd needed to call 911? Well... since we had no dial tone, that was pretty much impossible.
Finally, my mom got really fed up and called it in [a third time] from my Grandmothers house. Finally she got an actual PERSON, not a recorded conversation. So, around 6 last night our phone line was back up!
Hahaha - I don't think I've ever been that happy to get a telemarketer's phone call. It was GREAT. I am a bit worried about the delay in response to our phone being down. If we didn't live in an age where most families had cell phones [a concept my family pretty much ignores.....], there could have been serious repercussions. I mean - real emergencies.
I'm not sure exactly who our phone company is - I'm just a bit in shock that it would take them so long to fix an issue. Which - once there were here - took like 10-15 min.
The only good thing that came out of it was that I got a rest from telemarketers constantly ringing us up looking for money - though it is fun to answer all their questions then tell them you're a minor :)

An Afterthought On Drowning

2008-01-06T12:37:00.000-08:00

Lately alot of my friends and I have been talking about the implications of the Main Line. This is a quick poem written by Kelsey that goes hand in hand with the issues I addressed in my post "Drowning In The Mainstream".

Silver Spoons
and BMW's
Everything we won't ever need
atomical amounts of things
simple;expensive;hollow
gleaming
and the souls that want it
How we don't deserve it
Handed to us on a platter
fruits of all kinds
while others barely have a scrap
and we just throw it all away
into the dumpsters; onto the streets
because "it's not good enough"
but truly I must ask
what is good enough?
When will you be satisfied?
After you've had your drink
and unbuckled your belt?
When will you call it quits
never I say. never.
~ Kelsey DeCerchio

Drowning In The Mainstream

2008-01-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to the KOP movie theatre and I was appalled by what I saw there. There was a group of girls, maybe 8 or 9 years old, and there were dressed like little whores. They had their ugg boots, their mini skirts, their cell phones, and their makeup... and it made me want to cry.
When I was little, my parents would have had heart attacks if I had even tried to go out in public dressed like that. Yet these kids were un-chaperoned in a VERY crowded movie theatre, and they were dressed as such.
I know alot of people who agree with me that the Main Line is not healthy. Ugg boots, revealing clothes, the latest technology: everywhere you look people are parading around their wealth. And yet, look a little harder, and you can also see the single parents struggling to get by with dead and jobs and raise their families. The children who wear hand-me-down clothing, who don't have cell phones or ipods, and who don't drive expensive cars as soon as they get their permits. They don't shop at Abercrombie or American Eagle, yet they are the ones who are truly grateful for the little they have.

But it goes further than just the clothes and the technology, the Main Line is living with blinders on. Ever see those buggies in Amish Country? With the horses who wear blinders so that they can only see what is directly in front of them: that is the way that so many of us are living, with blinders on. We live in our mc-mansions, refusing to look at the rest of the world that lives in poverty and disappear.
We try to keep to our conservative values, pushing everyone who doesn't fit our Wisteria Lane criteria under the rugs, into the corners, pretending that they don't exist. AIDS, HUNGER, EQUALITY... its like we don't really care just because it doesn't effect our day to day lives. But that is such a lie: because it does.
One of the things that really bothers me with Stoga is our pathetic attempt at a GSA [sorry Mr. Husband, and all members of the GSA, its not you're fault. let me elaborate on what i mean]. In most of the classrooms there is a laminated sheet of paper that says something about equal opportunities for everyone regardless of gender, religion, race, sexual orientation..... YEAH RIGHT! Stoga is not a very friendly place for people who are different in any way from the masses. We have a GSA, but the only true event that we have to go along with it is the Day Of Silence [a silent protest of the horrible treatment that the LGBT community has faced, held on 4-18. The Day Of Silence is something I encourage EVERYONE to do. There will be more on this later, because of how strongly I feel about the misuse of this day by people who see it as a free ticket not to participate in classes for one day]. I know people involved with Radnor's GSA. They have a freaking Coming Out Week.
I find that wonderful, and I think to myself: why don't we have one? I'll tell you what I think: I think we don't have one because of the atmosphere of Stoga. The fact that we can't allow anything that doesn't fit in with our conservative views to exist. We have our blinders on. When I was a freshman we had a motivational speaker come in and talk to us. To be honest with you, I am one of those students that doesn't pay 100% [or even 50%] attention to what most of these people have to say. But this lady captured my attention, and I found myself hanging onto her every word. She was telling us the usual stuff about how we shouldn't let high school get us down, that when we fall off the horse, we have to get back on. But there was something more to her, something that made all of it so genuine. Towards the end of her speech, she talked about her she and her partner of however many years had finally been able to get married under Mass. State Law.
Well, all of a sudden the assembly was over.
A few days later all of the students got letters to take home to their parents. Letters from the school apologizing for allowing the speaker to talk to us about such things. The speaker has never returned to our school.
WHY? Because she told us about her partner.
Because she was gay.

Blinders. If we don't have to look at it, if its not there in front of us, if we can pretend it doesn't exist... than it doesn't.
I am highly offended by this. This woman was the only motivational speaker who has ever made me give a crap about what he/she is saying. And yet I know that the school will never bring her back. We won't allow her to pass into our vision span again. We've gotta keep her on the other side of our blinders.

I know at this point I'm rambling, and I deeply thank the people who have actually read up to this point. Because the issue of the Main Line is one that I am very passionate about [obviously].

I know that when I grow up, you won't find me living in the Main Line. I don't want to grow up and have a 6 year old daughter wearing clothing that looks like she should star in a porno. But maybe that's just part of my insanity.

I'd like to think that I don't live with blinders on, but I know this isn't true. I think we all have something that we repress from ourselves. Something that we just can't bear to deal with in our society. My challenge for you is to deal with it. To look it straight in the eye, to acknowledge that it exists.

I'm a Christian, but I'd like to call myself a "Christ-follower" because I don't agree with everything that the Christian Church preaches. I don't agree with the marks of Catholicism. I don't agree with many interpretations of Christian lifestyles. For me, its simple: GOD IS LOVE. [BIG FAT FUCKING PERIOD, is i think how i described the tiny dot at the end of that sentence to April] The Bible tells Christians to keep kosher, how many Christians do you know that do that? Well, right next to that, in pretty much the same part of the Bible, it condemns acts of homosexuality. Why than, is homosexuality on the forefront of religion/political wars in our country? Where are the concerned people who are fighting to keep the Christian population kosher? Do they exist?
Someone, sometime ago pick and chose which parts of the Bible the modern Church was going to stick with. But can you really do that? Times change, translations of the Bible change. Today, most Christians believe in the idea of the Trinity [a term used ZERO times in the Bible], yet is a fundamental part of Christianity. I'm not saying that the Trinity is wrong, for I, myself, am a follower of such ideas. I'm merely pointing out one of the instances of the way the Bible has changed with the changing times.

Homosexuality is not among the 7 deadly sins, but lust is. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride. Now to me, those are all pillars of... [drum roll please:] THE MAIN LINE. ::gasp::

Whats my point? Who knows...
Are Uggs and miniskirts the end of the world? No
But I think that blinders are. To live in the world, I think that you should be aware of the world. THE WHOLE WORLD

the good
the bad
and the ugly

Its up to use to chose which categories we put different things into. I've only given you my opinions of where I think some things should fall.

Shiny Masochism, over and out!

[comments/discussion for this can also be found @ http://hs.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=6845022374 ]

Blogging

2008-01-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

Blogs seem to be very in nowadays. With their growing popularity, I figured that I would get one. Now I'm trying to develop my own blogging style.
It seems to me that people use blogs for so many different things. Some people are Rosiebloggers - they like 2 attack others or defend themselves using their blogs. Others are quiet bloggers who use their sites for personal reflection. There are video blogs, art blogs, photoblogs, political/travel/fashion/cooking/business... blogs. Thankfully, I won't be one of those more business types of bloggers.
Shiny Masochist will be more of a reflective type of blog, I think. Though, at this point, even I am unsure of what I will use it for. I'll def be looking for answers, and will need everybody's help with all of the major issues that always seem to worm their way into my life.
I'll be writing about my opinions, my beliefs, my troubles, my happiness; so remember, its ME. I don't think I will ever use Shiny Masochist to directly call out someone publicly. [in the sense of this in not private] My opinions are not meant to offend anyone, cause they're just that: OPINIONS. I don't believe that my opinions are any better or more valid than anyone else's, though I'd pick my opinions over someone else's if I was looking for advice, merely because I'm more likely to agree with my own opinions. [or so I would hope...]
I'm sure most of this will be random babble: Sharon talking mostly to Sharon for the sake of boredom or reflection. If you don't agree with me on something - I'd love the feedback that you could give me.
But my intent is not to be a Rosieblogger, so if I become one and start having wars with Donald Trump and Shiny Masochist becomes a he-said, she-said type thing. PLEASE SOMEONE CALL ME ON IT!

Other than that, there isn't much I wanted to say. I'm new to this whole idea of blogging, and I'm sure it'll take some time to get used to it. So bear with me, if you can.

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[ps: if you wrote the poem shiny masochist, I LOVE YOU. YOU INSPIRED THE NAME OF THIS BLOG. ROCK ON. though, don't count on getting your poem published in Lit Mag, its just not gonna happen :/ ]

Juno

2008-01-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

I just went to see Juno with April tonight. The movie was so amazingly cute. The soundtrack is now on my wish list! Though I was bugged by the shortness of the short shorts that the male track team wore throughout the entire movie, I must say, it is now among my favorite new movies. What I really enjoyed was the language that the characters - even the adults - in the movie used.
Some of the language was just really cute - Her father: "[a very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!" I loved that!
Other parts are so ridiculous, like when the guy from The Office says " That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet."
The humor was great, one of my favorite parts when in the hospital when her stepmother says "Doctors are sadists who like to think of themselves of God and laugh at the lesser people." Or when Juno is talking with the soon-to-be adoptive parents, she tells them, "You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events."

basically: i'm just trying this whole blogging thing out, and i REALLY REALLY REALLY liked the movie Juno!

[leaning up against the wall as she's in labor] "OWW! OWW! Fuckity OW!"