The Cake Is A Lie. The Bisexual Is Not!

Let me start of by saying, Shiny Masochism - IT HAS BEEN TOO  LONG AND I AM SORRY FOR YOUR NEGLECT! 

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I have always considered myself to be a very open and accepting person. I feel that people in minorities such as the gay community always want people to be sympathetic to their cause - which is understandable - but are not always sympathetic to everyone else - which is hypocritical! I know when Stoga did its "Manifest" movement other agenda clubs badmouthed it, yet still wanted their issues to be taken seriously. 

I dont think that we can stand up and say recognize us, give us rights, accept what we have to say while we are also being intolerant of others. Of course I mean tolerance within reason. I'm not saying that we have to accept the idea of murder as good or rape as fun! I'm saying that we have to accept the idea of people as equal. We have to look at people as people, not as a race, a religion, an orientation. 

So it makes me incredibly upset when i here people touch on the bi issue. Let me first start off with my own feelings. I believe that bisexuality as legitimate as any other orientation. There are truly people out there who are attracted people regardless of their sex. And that is perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with liking men, or liking women, or liking both or anything in between. There is, however, something wrong with the way that people have abused the idea of bisexuality. I know girls who say they are bisexual but really they just want to seem cool, they would never actually date a fellow girl. Girls who get a little loose at a party and kiss a friend will change their facebook to tell the world that they are bisexual. But again - they would never truly have a relationship with anyone but a guy. Bisexuality has become a facade for girls to make themselves seem cool and to turn a guy on. 

THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG. Why? Because this is an affront to people who really do identify as bisexual. People who don't see the barrier between genders as a fence to weed out who is ok to date and who is not. 

I also have met people who say that bisexuals should stop being greedy and just pick one or the other. The "you can't have it both ways" approach. Well sexuality is not about greed! People who are straight are not attracted to every single individual of the opposite gender and people who are gay are not attracted to every same sex individual. And of course being bisexual isnt about being attracted to EVERYONE. Its not widening the playing field, its just knowing what you like and how you like it. 

My point: People need accept people and throw out labels and their negative connotations. A person is not a stereotype and should not be treated like one. People should not have to conform to what the rigid society's idea of love is. 

I am a lesbian. I like girls. Girls girls girls! But, I have considered myself pansexual in the past. Which is to say that i am attracted to people - regardless of male, female, or other. I don't see the rigid boundaries of gender as a line of discrimination. When I look at someone I'm not seeing what they are or what society has said they are, but i'm looking at WHO they are. It is a heart and soul thing. I just happen to be attracted to mainly female hearts and souls. I'm perfectly alright with the idea of dating someone who is transgendered. One day in the far far future i might even fall for a soul who is male. But for the time being this is not something i see arising. My point is that I am open to the possibility of it though!

So bisexuals, don't be afraid of who you are and don't let people tell you to pick a side! Love isn't war and there should be no sides. Facebook girls - please don't say that you are bisexual unless you mean it with your heart and are open to actually being committed to someone of either gender. Lets face it, offensive lies and hatred don't turn anyone on. 

This rant has been sparked by an article from CNN which i have reprinted below. It can also be found here. 

Bisexual or lesbian -- please make up your mind

By Nikki Dowling

One of the first times I went on a date with a girl, she asked me, "Are you bi or gay?"

Lesbian woman wants to set some women really straight.

"Well, I'm still figuring that out," I told her.

Her response was: "I knew you were too good to be true."

I then fell all over myself in an effort to explain to her that, although I was unsure about how to define my sexuality, I was definitely into girls, more so than I'm into guys. I am not and have never been bi-curious, bi for attention or bi only when men are around.

Since then, I've figured out that I'm solely into girls. So I guess I wasn't too good to be true, huh?

But, alas, in parts of the gay community, being bi or being a lesbian who has hooked up with guys in the past is like having horns or an incurable disease.

This isn't the case for all girls I have dated, but some lesbians don't want to date anyone who has been near a penis. Ever. Girls who have always been gay and nothing else carry it like a badge of honor. And, frankly, I'm jealous of them. I wish it was that easy for me to figure it out. But it wasn't.  

I blame the bi-hatred on the rise of girls I will call "Facebook Lesbians." These are chicks you see on social networking Web sites and in clubs and bars getting touchy-feely with their platonic girlfriends to get attention from men.

They make being bisexual unacceptable in the eyes of some and are the reason even I can't say the word without putting air quotes around it. And, although for most of these girls it stops with a kiss or an innocent boob-grab, some of them actually identify themselves as bisexual, thus mucking things up for the whole gay community.

I have numerous female friends who think they swing both ways simply because the idea of kissing another girl doesn't totally repulse them. But would they have a relationship with another woman? No. So are they bi? I don't think so. 

One of my friends in particular finds it necessary to grab my face and plant a wet one on me every time she has had too much to drink. Often she gets the bartender's attention beforehand.

This pisses me off because it is both insensitive and hurtful. She's assuming I have no problem kissing her because I'm gay. But the fact is, I don't want to kiss her because she's my friend and not my type. Straight girls don't go around making out with their guy friends. (Usually.) So why the double standard? 

Luckily, I have met numerous girls who can commiserate. A lot of gay girls I know dated men in, say high school, but grew more and more attracted to women, until the thought of getting with a guy became repulsive. While I believe I was legitimately into dudes when I was younger, I no longer am and don't see myself ever going back.

I have talked about this with a lot of lesbian women and none of us can figure out if we were suppressing our true feelings or if the attraction to men was genuine. For me, growing up, there was simply no other option. I lived in a small, conservative town and that was that. You were straight or you were straight. 

So for all you boob-grabbing-attention-seeking-Facebook-lesbians out there, my message to you is this: Don't kiss me unless you absolutely mean it. I'll return the favor. OK? Great.